Wow, it’s been almost a year since I made a blog post. Guess I’m not the most riveting blogger to follow! What a year it’s been in the communication realm. In addition to blogging, people are now tweeting and friending all over the place. Who ever would have thought “friend” would become a verb? Personally, I’m struggling with just how much of this new technology I want to bring into my life. My husband and I are feeling pretty cutting edge having just shut off our cable TV, and turned to online streaming options and DVDs instead. But I’m feeling like an old fart in terms of having very little interest in much of the new communications technology. This is sort of like a punch in the stomach for me, since “communications” in various forms, is my career.

I’ve had this discussion with several peers of a similar age lately, and while I’m glad to find out I’m not the only one having these thoughts and feelings, I have also come to realize that this is a bit of a crisis time for many of us in communications fields. As a graphic designer, twenty-plus years into my career, my industry is simply no longer the one I trained for and got into. I’m not talking about an issue of “computer as tool”. The computer has been the main tool of graphic designers and other creatives for over 20 years now. If you never jumped on that train, there is little help for you now (and you’re probably not reading this). I love the computer as a tool for completing my work. What is changing now is less about the way work is produced, and more about what the work even is. Writers are now being asked to write  in 140 character bits. Graphic designers no longer deal with details such as kerning and paper options, but are confined to a 256 color palette. Photographers are reduced to hoping their images are picked up by stock photo houses where they will then be sold and resold for pocket change. These developments are partly about the economy, but partly just about the evolution in the way we as a society are communicating. But both factors have had an impact on what people are willing to pay for creative work, and are thus affecting the livelihood of many of us who have been able to make a living for years, and are suddenly finding that we are just barely making it.

These changes are here and now. We can only imagine what is to come. But many of us are realizing that this is a crossroads where we must decide whether we even want to continue in this direction, or perhaps take a sharp left or right and start baking cupcakes, raising goats or maybe going to nursing school. Personally, I’m considering at least the first one or two from that list, as well as a host of other career ideas. Some are more closely related to what I have done for my whole career, while some are purposely completely unrelated. At this point, I really don’t know which way to head, but I feel this is the year for a decision. So, check back later to see what I’m up to, and let me know what you’re thinking and feeling too.

Wow — what a busy few months it’s been! I see my last post here was on the first day of final recording for my album, “Crazy Quilt”. Well, today I sent my master disc off for CD duplication. In a couple of weeks, I’ll have real live CDs for sale, as well as download files for sale.The recording process went relatively smoothly. I wasn’t sure whether I’d be happy with the results of trying to do everything myself, or whether I might want to recruit some other musicians. In the end, I did like what I was able to do myself, for the most part. There were certain songs that gave me fits as I tried to achieve the sound I wanted. There were some I went back to “finish” multiple times. In the end, everything sounded technically acceptable, and didn’t make me cringe (it IS hard to listen to your own voice sometimes!) and I had to let it go.Being a graphic designer, I did the artwork for the CD too. So it really is my baby.I am nervous about putting it out there for the world to hear. (Or even worse, for the world to ignore!) But I am also excited. This has been a goal of mine for a very long time. Now I am looking forward to the next steps — marketing, maybe playing some gigs, and getting back to writing some new songs, now that I have done something with these older ones.Stay tuned for news about how to purchase CDs and downloads, gig news, etc. And thank you for your support! 

Today I spent an hour and a half in my music studio, starting the process of making final recordings for my album, Crazy Quilt. That isn’t much time, but it’s all I could squeeze out of today. My plan is to spend as much concentrated time as possible on recording now through the end of the year. If all goes well, the album could be ready for release at the beginning of 2009. Stay tuned!

As the Democratic National Convention gets underway, and many Democrats threaten to cast their vote in November for McCain, I feel compelled to comment on what I see as the bottom line reason for a united Democratic party in this election. More important than any domestic issue, even more important than the conflicts in the Middle East, is the issue of how the United States is currently perceived by the rest of the world.

The U.S., still just a teenager compared to many nations with longer histories (and stubborn and brazen to fit that profile) has nevertheless been regarded as the leader of the free world for as long as anyone now alive can remember. The actions, inactions and overall poor judgement of the Bush administration have seriously damaged that reputation in just eight years. All one has to do is travel in Europe to find that we are regarded there as a laughing stock. And in many parts of the world, we are now hated in the strongest sense of the world – making us more than the butt of jokes, and putting us in serious danger. The Republicans continue to play the fear card to maintain support for the “War of Terror”. But let’s not forget why this “war” is needed in the first place. As a world leader, of course we need to maintain our defenses, but never in the history of our country have we been guilty of starting a war as George Bush did in Iraq. And if anyone still thinks that is appropriate retaliation for 9-11, or justified due to the threat of “weapons of mass destruction”, please, I beg of you, go back and do your homework. 

The world is justified in having other grievances with George Bush as well. From refusing to sign the Kyoto Protocol, to his legacy of “Bushisms” generated from essentially every public speaking opportunity he’s ever had – not only does Bush himself look like an idiot, but his existence as our leader reflects poorly on all of us. No matter who you voted for in the first or second Bush election (or what your take is on the Al Gore “loss”) the fact is that Bush was put into office twice. In my conversations with people from other countries, it is apparent that the assumption is that we all voted for him, therefore we must also be idiots. 

When Barack Obama recently travelled abroad,  he got an overwhelmingly positive reaction from crowds everywhere he went. No, those people don’t get to cast votes here in November. But we should pay close attention to their reactions, and remember them when we do cast our own votes. A vote cast for Obama is one for righting the wrongs of the last eight years, and showing the world that we do want change. A vote for McCain is one for more of the same. 

Democrats, please do not forget your core values. Obama’s platform is completely in line with the Democratic Party’s; there is no reason there for defection. Let’s be candid – the only reasons for Democratic voters to abandon their party at this time would be (a) Hillary supporters who cannot get over their candidate not securing the nomination, or (b) people who have a problem with a Black family in the White House. In this day and age, and at this important point in time, there is no place for either of those mentalities.

To anyone who would choose McCain over Obama simply because of race, I do not know how to address that. I cannot imagine viewing the world in that way, and I simply offer my pity for you and my hope that your eyes will someday be opened. I do not think of Obama as black or white (and of course he is both). But when I step back and consider the issue of race, I am proud to think that we are so close to electing the first Black President. It is an honor to be a part of such an historic moment.

To Hillary supporters considering voting for McCain: I submit that it would be irresponsible to cast a “protest” vote for McCain in order to send a message. The race is close, and a number of such votes would indeed send a message – that McCain is our next President. While it’s a sure bet that McCain is a smarter and more moderate person than Bush, that would still be passing the torch to yet another old, white, long-term politician. More importantly, it would keep the ball in the court of the Republicans. Here are just a few of the ramifications of that. It is likely that several Supreme Court Justices will be put in place by the next President; if abortion rights are a key issue for you, don’t forget about that. The world is at a critical point in terms of how we will choose to treat our natural environment; if that is important to you, consider the Repblican’s history there. And do not forget the bottom line issue; with McCain as our next President, to the rest of the world we are stating that we choose more of the same. Our global reputation would slide even further, affecting everything from our economy to our safety. Yes, the fear card has become real, rather than just a threat, through the power of self-fulfilling prophecy.

I was a Hillary supporter too. I am not caught up in the magic of Obama. But I do believe that he is a thoughtful, intelligent man who can be a good leader to our country and a beacon of hope and change to the world. And I see the reality as this: Hillary and all the other potential candidates are no longer in the running. It has come down to two choices. If you love this country, care about the global community, and are passionate about this planet with it’s still beautiful and life-sustaining land, water and air, please think long and hard about which candidate will be better for all those things. Actually, I think it’s something you can think short and easy about, and come to the same conclusion that I have – that Obama is the sensible, responsible – and a good – choice for the next President of the United States. 

Today I received an email that brightened my day. A fellow songwriter who I met recently at a songwriting workshop, took time out of her life to let me know that she really likes the music I have put up on the web site, and that one song in particular (Why Couldn’t We) really touched her. She said it was as if I had read her mind with the lyrics of that song! Ah, how nice to read those words. They get to the heart of what I think songwriting is really about – at least for me – that I hope to on some level connect with people and tap into their emotions. I know how much music has meant to me throughout my life – how certain songs have helped me through rough times, and how others offer continued inspiration (or laughter, or passion, or joy…) no matter how many times I hear them over the years. I’ve always felt that if I could move just one person with my music, in the way that others have moved me, then I would be validated as a musician. So Jill, thank you for your kind words today.  :)

Today I had the unexpected opportunity to speak face-to-face with a native Iraqi and to ask him for his perspective on the Iraq “war”. I write war in quote marks (and speak it with ‘air quotes’) because I cannot bring myself to see this as a true war, but rather a fiasco that we, the U.S. (well, really George Bush, Inc.) has caused. Ali surprised me with his first statement: that the war in Iraq is a good thing.  

I have been against this war from the start. I vividly remember screaming at the TV during the lead-up to the “shock & awe” strike in 2003. Without the support of the U.N., what were we thinking? I simply could not believe it when the bombing started. To make things worse, and more personal for me, my “little” brother was over there in the first wave, with the Marines. Needless to say, I was very concerned for his safety. 

As the years have gone on, and things have gotten more F.U.B.A.R., I have steadfastly remained opposed to our occupation in Iraq. At the same time, I cannot see pulling out all at once, abandoning the mess we have made. It seems to be a quagmire, with no clear way out. 

Today, an old friend who has been serving as a U.S. Army medic in Iraq, came for a visit and brought with him a native Iraqi, Ali, who served as one of the interpreters who worked with him – translating for medical patients and caretakers. My friend and I caught up a bit on old times here in the states, and then I was curious to speak with Ali about his thoughts and experiences. 

Ali shocked me with his first comment, that he believes the war is a good thing. My impression has been that we stormed in over there with our American bravado, attempting to “fix” what we saw as a bad situation, but actually made things far worse than they had been. Ali said no, that things are not good now, but that they are better. He explained that under Saddam Hussein’s rule, the main daily concern for himself and everyone he knew, was to find food. He was able to go to college in Iraq, but even as he attended classes he had to face this daily challenge of survival. He wore the same pair of pants for four years, and they had been hand-me-downs when he received them. Ali said that now people are fearful for their safety because of the dangers associated with living in a war zone (which of course this is not a good thing) but that most people are not having to live at that basic level of survival – seeking food, clothing and shelter every day. 

I think what’s difficult for we American’s to understand, is just how bad things really were in Iraq before the war. We have only a glimpse of how bad things are there now, but that glimpse makes it difficult to think that things could have been even worse. Ali made sure to say that he cannot speak for all Iraqis, but I get the sense that his perspective is a common one there. I asked him what he thought could possibly be the solution, since there seems to be no end to the violence. Ali believes that the key is getting an economic base established. He feels it’s imperative to have the U.S. presence remain in order to help stabilize things long enough for jobs to be established so that people can have enough money to start moving beyond their current conditions. Now, many people don’t feel they have much if anything to lose. Violence and even death is not a deterrent in that condition. If people can start to have something good in their lives, Ali believes they will start to feel they have something to live for, and then something to work for, and then something to build on, and then you have the foundation of a stable society. I asked him what he thought would happen if the U.S. pulled out entirely right now, and he said Iraq would cease to exist. It would kill itself. Its people would kill each other until there was nothing left. All because they have nothing to live for. 

In the hour or so that we had to chat, there was only time for him to tell me a few stories, and I am certain he has many more – of peril and fear for his life. Aside from all the things he endured in his homeland, the hoops he and others had to jump through in order to get him into the U.S. were incredible. In April, 2008 the U.S. Congress amended legislation that had previously allowed 50 special immigration visas (SIVs) per year, to allow 500 visas in this fiscal year for Iraqis who have worked for our government as translators and interpreters. This is to provide asylum to these Iraqis who have helped the U.S. military and who’s lives would otherwise be in danger if there were left behind. But getting one of these visas is not as easy as it sounds. I think my American friend, who helped facilitate Ali’s visa, can explain it best. Here is an excerpt from an email he sent from Iraq back in July, 2007 – almost a year before Ali made it to the U.S.:

“Yesterday I mailed out applications for two of our translators to receive asylum in the United States. These two guys help us 24-hours-a-day, 7-days-a-week, at risk to their own lives, translating for Arab-speaking patients. If they aren’t allowed to come to the US when we pull out, they will be slaughtered in the escalating civil war along with anyone else who is perceived to have helped the Americans. As I was mailing these two applications which took 6 months to compile (they required security clearances, letters from employers, certificates of education, and a letter from an American general, along with $200 [in a country where the average person makes about $65 a month]) it struck me how this mundane act of mailing two envelopes will determine the lives of two families. It puts things in perspective. I have to say, cliché though it may be, being over here has made me realize how lucky I am to have been born in America. Spending a year in a country devastated by 22 revolutions in the past 70 years even before Saddam’s reign, where people were (and continue to be) tortured and executed for the way they dressed, what they wrote or said, and how they prayed – it makes me realize how lucky we are and how fragile our freedoms are. I am grateful for the fact that 50 argumentative, arrogant, difficult, white middle-aged men two hundred years ago, who were in a perfect position to enrich themselves and set up a country that would ensure their own families priviliges above and beyond those of everyone else, instead set up a government that was for the people and by the people, and which protected everyone’s freedoms and rights far into the future. We are astoundingly lucky.”

Even that description of the visa process does not begin to tell of the difficulties of actually getting Ali on U.S. soil. There was more money involved. There was more fear and danger. There were many roadblocks and times it seemed as though it simply would not happen. And now that he’s here, he is without his family. He hopes his mother and new bride can come soon, but he does not know whether they will be able to.

There is so much I did not get to ask Ali. I don’t know how old he is. He appears youthful and has a spark in his eyes. He has perfect teeth and model looks. He was dressed in hip American clothes (most likely from his quick trip through New York City the day before.) He looked like he could be any young, hopeful person I’ve ever seen. It saddens me to think about what he’s endured, and to know that there are so many others who suffered the same, or worse, or did not survive, or will not survive. I realized that I am fortunate enough to be naive enough to think that if you do good, good things will come to you and that no one will do you harm. This is not true. There are people around the world being treated inhumanely every day. My own problems of household travails and career quandaries suddenly seem trivial and embarrassing.

Our mutual friend is helping Ali line up speaking dates on college campuses. I suggested that when he is working out what to say to people, that he start as he did with me; to simply say that his name is Ali, that he is from Nasseriya in southern Iraq, and that he believes the war is a good thing. And then, to tell them why. Has my mind been changed about the Iraq War? I don’t know. But it has been opened further, and that is always a good thing.

I am always complaining to my husband – and anyone else who is unfortunate to be around me right after a grocery shopping trip – that I have to watch the baggers (that is assuming I have a bagger) like a hawk to make sure they actually use the reusable bags I bring with me. Sometimes they do use them, but then put certain things into plastic bags, and then into the reusable bags. Uh, no. Missing the point. But today I had an experience that tops all the others.  

Today is Earth Day. I am not generally moved to march or protest for or against anything, but I do consider myself to be environmentally concerned. I recycle everything I am able to, have changed my light bulbs to fluorescents, and so on. Upon walking into the grocery store today, I noticed that they were having a special where you could get 5 reusable shopping bags, specially printed with Earth Day graphics, for free if you bought $15 worth of items from a short list. I scanned the list and there were things I generally buy anyway, so I went for it. I already have reusable bags, and if fact had them with me, but I figured more couldn’t hurt, and it could be my little Earth Day good deed (since I’m not marching or anything particularly energetic). All went well, and my bags rang up as “FREE” just as promised.  

So, as I walked out to my reasonably gas-efficient VW Beetle and started unloading my mostly low carbon footprint selections, I was horrified to see what the bagger had slipped in on me this time. My 5 new reusable bags were… in… a… plastic bag! What are you a complete moron? First of all, they’re bags. Bags don’t need to be in bags, they are bags. Secondly, you are missing the point that I am using reusable bags and therefore probably don’t want any plastic bags; at the very least, put these new bags into one of my old reusable bags! And lastly, you are sooooooo missing the point and spirit of this whole Earth Day thing.

Okay. ‘nuf said. Sigh.

I just have to share some pictures of my new puppy, Harry the Border Terrier. His official AKC name is Redgate’s Prince Harry. Redgate is the kennel he came from, in East Haddam, Connecticut. We’re so lucky that this wonderful breeder is right across the Connecticut River from us. Harry was born on December 9, 2007, and we picked him up on February 3, when he was exactly 8 weeks old. He is a delight, and so cute that we simply can’t stop looking at him. You’ll see our older dog, Belle, in some of the pictures. She is a Labrador/Wheaton  Terrier mix, and was born on Halloween in 2000. We didn’t get her until she was 5 1/2 years old, and needed a new home. She and Harry are getting along well, and I think they’ll be true buddies when he gets a bit older.  As of this week, Harry is also starting to make friends with one of our kitties, Hazel. They’ve been getting to know each other for a couple of months now, but recently are starting to show signs of actually enjoying playing with each other. So cute!

Thank god it’s Saturday! Whew! I’ve been trying my best to dedicate some time to music during the week, but for the past couple of weeks, my graphic design business has taken up all my time. So, I’m really glad to be in the studio today – Saturday – and I plan to spend more time here in tomorrow. Of course the goal is to be making music, not blogging, but I wanted to take a couple of minutes to post an update here.

Finding time to devote to music continues to be my biggest challenge. I guess that’s why people usually do this sort of thing when they’re younger and don’t have as many responsibilities. I keep thinking of the movie, Thank you for Smoking, where a theme is that people do what they do “for the mortgage”. So true. While I’d love to just knock off work and spend all my time on music, that wouldn’t work out too well once the bank came to take my house. So, I strive for some sense of balance.

Now that my site is up, my short term goal is to get more demos up so that I can share more of my music and get more feedback. I’m going through old cassettes of 4-track demos, to see if anything there is worthy of feeding into the digital system, for demo use. (Is it a more efficient use of my time to try and get rid of that old tape hiss, or to start a whole new recording?) And, I’ll be creating new demos of other songs.

But the real goal is to record professional-quality tracks of the best 10 or 12 songs, for release on a self-produced CD. I’ve been taking steps towards that goal, little by little, over the past year or so. I’ve been working through challenges of getting up to speed with the new software and hardware. I also have challenges with my voice. I developed adult onset asthma a few years ago, and since then, I’ve had to essentially relearn how to sing because the asthma causes me to get hoarse very quickly. Practicing good vocal techniques has become critical to having my voice last long enough for a good recording session. Lastly, there is the challenge of getting good instrument sounds. I love that in this digital world I can access any sound I want. But the danger is having them come out sounding fake. That’s unacceptable to me, so I’m feeling out what I can do on my own, and where I’ll need to have instrumentalists’ help.

Well, no time like the present. I’m off to music land. Check back soon for more progress.

Ciao!

Dear Diary… Ha ha! I suppose this is the modern version of a diary. Thank you for visiting my blog, and site. I’m very excited to have this space for sharing what’s going on in my life.

First, a little history in the music department. Let’s see, where to start… Well, one of my earliest, happiest memories is of learning to whistle when I was 4 years old. My first vivid musical memory. In my baby book, my mom wrote about how I learned to play the organ when I was 3 years old. I took piano lessons from ages 6 to 7 or 8, and then foolishly stopped. But, I did learn to read music, which helped tremendously when I decided I wanted to play trumpet in the band at the end of 8th grade. That’s very late in the game for school band! But, I had a tutor over the summer, and got 2nd chair in the audition at the beginning of the school year. I loved to sing in church, with the radio – any time I got the chance.

I wrote my first song when I was 15. It was called Strange Thing. It’s actually fairly decent. I’ll do a demo of it some time and post it for you to hear. I’m not sure how long it was before I wrote another song, but I know I was interested in a musical career at around age 25, when I read the book, Breaking into the Music Business, by Alan H. Siegel. It scared the crap out of me. And I decided that I had no interest in pursuing a record contract, once I understood how they worked. So I set that dream aside.

But a few years later, I still had the itch to write, sing and perform. I turned 30 and read another book, What Color is Your Parachute, by Richard Nelson Bolles. This book, famous for helping people figure out what they really want to do with their lives, confirmed for me that I did want to be a musician, and that I just might be a good one. I had been working for a few years as a graphic designer, and did not give that up. But I did cut back on work, focused on songwriting, got a MIDI keyboard and a 4-track tape recorder, and even put together a band in 1995. We called ourselves Short Story which turned out to be apropos, as we were only together a little over a year. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I loved my bandmates. I learned so much about music, people, equipment… But, I really wanted to do original music and take it as far as we could. While my band was more comfortable being a local cover band. We went our separate ways.

After that, I felt like I had been there/done that, and that I could finally say I got that “music thing” out of my system. Ah! Now, on to other things.

But, the itch returned. Sigh. What to do? Now I was turning 40! I had continued to write all along – sometimes less, sometimes more. But my recording gear had been packed away for years, and was now outdated anyway. I didn’t have much interest in pulling out the old 4-track when I knew I could do greater things with a realtively simply computer set-up. Meanwhile, so much had changed in the music business! The record contracts that had scared me years prior were now almost things of the past. Independent musicians were springing up everywhere – doing their own thing on their own terms. I envied them, and wanted to be one of them. So, I started with baby steps: got a new computer; bought some software and other components; mixed in some of my old gear; dusted off some old songs and pulled together some new ones.

That pretty much brings you up to date. I am currently recording in my own studio – a small room in my small New England house – and posting song demos on my site whenever I have something I think is worthy of sharing. My goal is to record my own CD master and professional-quality singles for downoading. I’m feeling out whether this is something I can truly do on my own, or whether I will need some help. I’ll be documenting the process here, as I live it. So please tune in for updates.

Ciao!